Death of a Spouse

Image from kitzcorner / Getty Images/iStockphoto

The unexpected news came today, a very young colleague of mine has passed away.

Died; cessation of a vibrant life. He was only 27 this year and left behind a grieving wife. They were supposed to get married next week.

At first it was sadness; a young energetic man has certainly gone too soon. Then came pity; for the grieving young widow who would never get a chance to grow old with her husband. Then a sense of cynicism somewhat set in... 

Maybe she is the lucky one since he would always be the perfect, flawless husband she never had. Yes, she will never ever get to experience the feeling of being betrayed by her beloved spouse. 

I still remember vividly the day when my spouse died; it was the "D" day, and the mountain of unabated, raw emotions erupted after that. When the realization that the person I knew, or I thought I knew no longer existed anymore hits home, the excruciating anguish and pain was so great that my senses went numb.

Gone are those loving eyes and tender touches. A cold blooded stranger had inhibited and taken over my spouse's body; he, the demon from hell. His, stone-cold eyes looked without any recognition; devoid of kindness or any human emotion; oblivious to the pain which ripped through me as I bawled my bloodshot eyes out.

This demon simply stood there without flinching, while I badly bruised my hands as I battled wildly to keep the terrifying nightmare from overwhelming my sanity, my very existence.

It was a day I never, ever forget; it was the day my spouse died. 

And the cheating demon took his place.

The grief was freaking damn real and not imagined. And still is.

The tremendous grief lingered and for many months I was like a Zombie, surviving only on 1 slice of bread and less than 3 hours of sleep daily. And it didn't help when  he was not remorseful, and most of his relatives were giving unsolicited useless "advises" which hurt instead of helping me.

The realization that I actually married a heartless total stranger was beyond frightening; a horror movie came alive. Day and night I had to face this demon, this stranger who had no qualms about hurting me in order to fulfill his enjoyment and lust with another woman.

Some days I want to gouge his eyes out; since he is so blind to my pain.
Some nights I want to rip his heart out; since feel the agony I am experiencing.
Sometimes I want to tear his tongue out; since all he is capable of is telling lies.

How many betrayed spouses felt the way I did?